Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I Was Scared My Cancer Had Returned

One of the biggest fears of someone who has battled cancer is the return of that cancer.

Well, last week on Thursday, I was scared...

I had just gone to bed, and rubbed my hand against my chest on the side where I had a mastectomy. I noticed a lump, and I wasn't just nervous, I was scared!

It was late at night. My husband had just gone to sleep. He was on call with the ambulance, so I didn't want to wake him, but the tears started to flow. Please, God, NO! This can't be happening again.

I couldn't go to sleep, so I clicked onto Facebook using my Kindle Fire. I browsed the comments from my friends, trying to get my mind off of it, but couldn't stop thinking about the worst-case scenario.

A dear friend of mine sent me a message at 11:30 p.m., and we had a short chat:

FRIEND:  I'm heading to bed but wanted to say "Hey" and see how you are doing.
ME:  Hi. Funny you should ask. Pray for me. 
FRIEND:  I will. Do you want to talk?

ME:  I can't. Am in bed next to Dave. He's asleep. I'm nervous, [Friend]. No, I'm scared. I can't tell for sure, but I think I feel a lump.

FRIEND:  (11:45 p.m.) Oh that would be scary. I will pray fervently that it is not! If you need comforted, wake him but I will pray and believe that it is not! Dear Lord, thank you for all you've done in Vicky's life and thank you for her health. Please Lord, I ask that this not be a lump and nothing to be concerned about. Father, comfort Vicky and help her to rest and be at peace knowing you'll take care of her. Make it nothing Lord! In your precious name, Amen!

ME:  (11:50 p.m.) Thanks. I'm feeling calmer now. I see my doc on Wednesday for a checkup.

FRIEND:  Good! I'm believing it's not that! Love to you friend. Sleep well.

ME:  You, too.
Thanks to the prayers of my friend, I was much calmer after that, and was able to get some sleep.
The next morning....
ME:  I called my doctor's office this morning and talked to a nurse there. She said it is possible there is scar tissue growing, since it is around the area where I had the mastectomy. So, that's what I'm hoping for. I can't get in to see the doc before Wednesday, so I will just have to wait. Thanks for reaching out last night. Even though you had no idea there was a problem, God knew. I was in tears.

FRIEND:   God is amazing like that. I think of you often, but just at that moment wanted to let you know I was. God is good. I'm believing it's scar tissue and will keep praying you have peace as you wait.
I also told 3 other friends, so they could be praying, but did not want to make it public to everyone else just yet.

Later that night, I came across a familiar verse. I believe the Lord drew me to read this again to help bring even more peace:
 

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Through the prayers of others, and through direct encouragement from the Lord, I was no longer afraid, but was at peace knowing God was in control.

Today (Wednesday), I had my checkup with my Oncologist. Everything is going well, praise the Lord. The doc confirmed that the lump I felt is nothing to be concerned about.

I am so thankful for the presence of the Lord in my life, and for good Christian friends who care. My outlook on life would be so much different without them. 
 
 

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