6 Months Without Dad - It Still Hurts, But Life Is Good

Today marks 6 months since Dad passed away. Wow, that's so hard to believe. It seems like it was just yesterday when he was still here with us, sending e-mails, talking on the phone, commenting on my blog posts, liking Facebook posts, and giving lots of love and encouragement whenever he could. Oh, how I miss him (and I know many others who do as well).

When someone we love passes away, we are forced to adjust to a "new normal" without him or her in our lives. The new normal is not easy, and it hurts... a LOT...

For example, my "new normal" without my dad HURTS when: 

• I realize I can no longer pick up the phone and give him a call.
• His encouraging words (written or spoken) are no longer there when needed.
• His wise Biblical advice is no longer audibly heard.
• He is no longer there to share jokes and laughter.
• I desire to feel his warm hugs... but can't.

But, then, as I remember my Dad’s positive outlook on life and how he would often say, “Life is good,” I see how my new normal without him can also bring beneficial changes, if I allow it.

BENEFICIAL:  producing good results or helpful effects 

My "new normal" without my dad can be BENEFICIAL when:

• I recall some of his favorite sayings, such as "Keep short accounts with God and others," "Praise God," and "Life is good."
• I reminisce about him with smiles and laughter.
• I am blessed by specific comments from friends and family whose lives he touched.  
• I focus on the positive impact he had in my life and in the lives of others.
• I strive to follow his examples by loving God with all my heart, and by being an encouragement to others.   

When Dad would say, “Life is good,” he didn’t mean everything in his life was perfect and happy and going just as he had planned. He meant, life is good because our lives are a gift from God that is too often taken for granted. If we open our eyes, we can see just how blessed we are. We can understand what a privilege it is to be alive on this earth, and to be able to serve and worship the Lord with all of our hearts. That is why we are here.

So, yes, even though I miss my dad, I can always accept the fact that life is good. 

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of knowing and loving this precious man who was, and will always be, a part of my life. I look forward to seeing him again someday, when we will be sitting together at Your feet. Until then, help me to be thankful for all You have done for me and to always remember that life is good.

Photo of the Week #18: See You Later, Dad

For the month of May, I took an unexpected break from blogging. The reason? I was saying goodbye (or rather, "see you later") to my wonderful dad, and then began trying to adjust to the new normal without him here on this earth. It has not been easy but, with God's help, my family and I are slowly adjusting with the strength given to us from above.

This photo was taken sometime within the 2 weeks my dad was at home in a hospice bed. Among other things, his liver was failing, and we all knew his "time" was getting closer; but, even at the end of his earthly life, it was such an encouragement to see him sharing the love of Jesus with us. As he spoke to us, we know he was trying to make sure he would be seeing his family again someday in Heaven. For example, at one point, Dad asked me directly, "What will you say to Jesus when you meet Him?"

I confidently answered, "I will thank Him for saving me from my sins. And, then I will also thank Him for giving me a dad and a mom who took the time to teach me about Jesus."

Although I miss my dad terribly, I have felt the prayers of others, and truly feel at peace, knowing he is in a better place, and that I will see him again someday. His favorite song by The Booth Brothers is "Look for Me at Jesus' Feet." I certainly plan on looking for him there when it is my turn to leave this world behind. I hope you will be able to join us.

Please watch this 5-minute video tribute to my dad, made by my brother, Daniel. This was played during Dad's memorial service on May 20th. And, if you need more information about becoming a Christian and want to be sure you have a right relationship with God, please take a look at: WHY WE NEED SALVATION.)

SIDE NOTE:  In the photo you can see a little toy figurine attached to Dad's watch. When he first came home on hospice, he asked for something from one of his grandkids that he could hold next to his heart. He loved his grandkids dearly with unconditional, unending love.

Saying Good-bye to Our Sweet Dutchess Kitty

Our sweet Dutchess came to us 19 years ago as a 6-week old kitten. I picked out her sister, Aggie, to bring home (who died one year ago this month), and David picked out Dutchess. She was the runt of the litter, and could barely meow, but she survived and I believe she actually outlived all the others in the litter. She has been a very special part of our lives, and we are thankful to have had her as a part of our family.

1997 - Dutchess and her sister, Aggie. Dutchess is on the left.

1997 - Getting a drink from David's cup 

1998 - Playing with a shoestring 

2006 - Sitting on the Scanner. She liked it because it was warm. 

2008 - Asleep with David  

2008 - Chillin' Out with EL 

2009 - Hangin' around with Spiderman 

2015 - Asleep with Me. She loved to snuggle into our bed each night to keep warm.

  

2015 - Gettin' loved by JJ 

March 2016 - Morning cuddles with David

June 10, 2016 - Enjoying the fresh air with our kitty the night before she was laid to rest.

We love you, Dutchess. Thank you for being a part of our lives.
We will miss you, and will never forget you.

Good-bye, Dear Aggie Cat

June 1997 - My sister gave us two of the sweetest kittens in the world. They were 6 weeks old. We named them Aggie and Dutchess.

1998 - David and Me with our cats.

1999 - One year old EL sitting in the doorway with Aggie.

2000

2001 - Looking for catnip

2002 - I am pregnant with JJ in this picture. Aggie liked my big, warm belly.

2003 - Aggie joined David and the kids for an Easter picture.

2004

2005 - Aggie was so good around kids.

2006 - This was Aggie's special afghan she always liked laying on.

2007 - Relaxing in the windowsill

2008 - Snuggling on the couch with me and JJ

2009 - Comforting EL when she was sick with the flu

2010 - Sunday afternoon nap time

2011 - EL is laying in the doorway with Aggie, just like they did when they were little.

2012

2013 - Aggie kept me company when I was recovering from cancer treatments.

2014 - Snuggled in her favorite afghan.

June 15, 2015 - Aggie was barely able to walk due to old age. We took her outside to lay in the shade and feel the breeze. This was the day before she died.

June 16, 2015 - On the morning of the day she died. We knew her time was nearing. We were saying our good-byes.

Our final picture of Aggie before she passed.

We had 18 special years with Aggie. She will forever be in our hearts.

Encouragement Challenge #16: Encourage A Bereaved Spouse

My sister lost her first husband, Carl, in the month of April (1984), only 3 years after they were married. He was involved in a truck-train collision, and left my sister with a 2-year-old son and a newborn daughter. It was devastating to her, and to our entire family. 

Ironically, the month of APRIL is known as Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month. For years, I never wanted to talk to my sister about her first husband. I was afraid it would cause her to be too depressed and I wanted to spare her that hurt. But, I have since learned, sometimes, a bereaved spouse NEEDS to talk about their loved one. They need to remember the good times, and want others to share their good memories as well. 

I recently found a website about BEREAVEMENT AWARENESS. Here is the description on the website for Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month: The Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month's purpose is to promote support for bereaved spouses. Often people don't know what to say to or do for grieving spouses. So sometimes, they turn away and do nothing. We encourage people to turn back and begin to reach out to bereaved spouses by giving them someone who will listen to them without advising them; a shoulder to cry on; and a hug when appropriate and needed. Basically, we want to inspire people to "be there" for the bereaved. 

The website gives suggestions on reaching out to help the bereaved. If you know someone who has lost a spouse (and, I think we ALL do!), please choose one of these suggestions for this week's  ENCOURAGEMENT CHALLENGE.

Some of the suggestions are:

• Be available to them through a visit in person, by phone, and/or by mail. Send them a card telling them you are thinking of them. Listen to them, as they need to talk about the person who died. Let them cry if they need to.
• Include the griever in your life.  Invite him/her to join you for meals, special occasions, church, etc.  
• Show your love with a touch on the shoulder, a warm hand shake or a hug.  
• The best thing to say is "I'm sorry for your loss." If you knew the person who died, share a memory or a heartfelt compliment about him.
• Offer to pray with them.  

Have a good week as you serve the Lord through the gift of encouragement.


NOTE:  On Thursday morning, I will be sharing some special memories my family and I have about Carl. So, please check in again then.

UPDATE:  Here is the link to the post about Carl
GOOD MEMORIES OF A GOOD MAN

What I Remember About Grandma

Three weeks ago today, my 93-year-old grandmother was getting ready for church and fell. She broke her hip and ended up in the hospital awaiting surgery. One week later, she passed away. The Memorial Service was held last weekend and many family and friends gathered to remember this special lady.


Let me tell you a little bit about what I remember about her, and what made her so special to ME...

I REMEMBER her working as a Surgical Technician at the hospital for 20 years. She was trained on the job and worked the early shift.

I REMEMBER after she retired from the hospital, she couldn’t sit still and do nothing, so she worked as a Nanny for several years, worked as a hostess at McDonald’s, and worked at a steakhouse called Maverick’s. Every place she worked she was well-loved and appreciated.

I REMEMBER going bowling with her at different times when I came to visit. She was on a league for many years and enjoyed it very much.

I REMEMBER her love of feeding ducks at the pond.

I REMEMBER how she loved going to garage sales to find a bargain. She found and collected many different stuffed animals, ducks of any kind, salt & pepper shakers, oil lamps, and other little knick knacks.

I REMEMBER her hospitality, how she welcomed anyone into her home, and how she always had cans of soda pop in the pantry for guests that would show up.

I REMEMBER her sweet tooth, and how she always had M&M’s or other chocolate candies lying around and ready to share. She also liked Jelly Beans.

I REMEMBER her generosity - always willing to give to anyone, always wanting to pay for gas money or for lunch.

I REMEMBER how much she loved fried chicken (especially the wings), and also fresh garden tomatoes.

I REMEMBER sharing a bedroom with her when we came to visit, and how her snoring was about as loud as the trains behind her house.

I REMEMBER her alarm clock blaring at 4:00 a.m. with the music from WFMB - she was a Country girl at heart.

I REMEMBER how she always got up early on Sunday mornings to go make coffee at church.

I REMEMBER her animals. At different times, she had a couple different dogs, several cats, and a couple of parakeets. They kept her company and she loved them.

I REMEMBER her adventurous spirit, always willing to try something new, including jumping on a trampoline at the age of 73.

I REMEMBER her playfulness and how she was not afraid to fight for her spoon in a card game we played called "Spoons." 

I REMEMBER her sense of humor, her smile, and her laugh. She loved life, despite the hardships she endured.

I REMEMBER going for walks around her neighborhood, and walks to the local Dairy Queen. It was always okay to go get an ice cream cone since we were "walking it off" on the way home.


I REMEMBER wanting to be like her when I grew up. In some ways, I know I am like her. That makes me happy, because she was an inspiration to me in so many ways. I miss her, but I know I’ll see her again someday... and, when I do, instead of walking with her to DQ, I know we’ll be walking together on streets of gold.

My brother made this video in memory of Grandma. Her favorite song was "Because He Lives."

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My husband, David, officiated a funeral yesterday for a friend from church. For the graveside service, he wrote a poem that I think is a good prayer regarding the death of a loved one:

Father in Heaven,

You know our pain,

You know our sorrow,

And we place our hope

In You for tomorrow.

May You be our comfort,

Our guiding light,

As we lay our head down

Every night.

Go with us now,

As we leave this place,

Til in glory we behold

Your face.

- DJS

A Tribute to Grandma

This is in memory of my Grandma on my mother's side, who passed away on Sunday, August 15, 2010. She was 90 years old. We loved Grandma and are thankful for the difference she has made in all of our lives. So thankful for her kind heart, giving spirit, and the genuine faith she had in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

This was her favorite song (below). Her daughters sang it together at the funeral and I wish I knew how to add an MP3 link so you could hear it, but I haven't learned how to do that yet. (Maybe my brother can help me out with that some time?) You can, however, click on the title below to hear the tune.

Grandma will be missed on earth, but it’s a great feeling to know she is no longer in pain and is reunited with her beloved husband. We will one day see them both again - in one of those mansions over the hilltop...

I've Got A Mansion Just Over The Hilltop

Words & Music By: Ira Stamphill

I'm satisfied with just a cottage below

A little silver and a little gold

But in that city where the ransomed will shine

I want a gold one that's silver lined

CHORUS: I've got a mansion just over the hilltop

In that bright land where we'll never grow old

And some day yonder we will never more wander

But walk on streets that are purest gold

Though often tempted, tormented, and tested

And like the prophet my pillow's a stone

And though I find here no permanent dwelling

I know He'll give me a mansion my own

CHORUS

Don't think me poor or deserted or lonely

I'm not discouraged I'm heaven bound

I'm but a pilgrim in search of the city

I want a mansion, a harp and a crown

CHORUS