CANCER JOURNEY #25: I Made it to the Chemo Finish Line

Wednesday was my last chemo treatment. My husband and I spent 16 days at the cancer clinic over the past 6 months while I was getting my treatments. There are some things I will kind of miss about this place (such as meeting new people or spending the day with my husband), but I will NOT miss getting chemotherapy and the side effects it produces. I'm ready for that part of my life to be nothing but a memory.

My Oncologist said the chemo reduced my chances of recurrence down to 20%. While I still don't like having ANY possible chance of recurrence, at least the 20% is better than it was without the chemo. If I remember right, he said there was almost a 100% chance of recurrence within two years if I didn't have the chemo. So, I'll take that 20%.

In a couple of weeks, I will go back for a checkup to see if my blood cells are returning to normal. Then, if all is well, I will begin taking TAMOXIFEN. This is a medication I will take for the next 10 years to block the estrogen in my body, also helping to combat any recurrence. This medication will reduce my percentage down to a 10% recurrence, which is even better!

In the meantime, I am waiting to get scheduled for the removal of this awful arm port. The nurses tried to access it again for this last treatment and were not able to get it through. Its time for it to come out.

On Thursday, some of my friends got together and helped me celebrate the finish of chemo. It was a special celebration I will always have fond memories of.  This was probably the longest 6 months of my life, but I finally made it to the finish line. The journey is not over, but I have at least finished this big part of the race. And, Lord willing, I won't ever have to run this race again. Thank you to EVERYONE who gave me encouragement and helped to cheer me on.

CANCER JOURNEY #24: Sometimes I Can't Explain How I Feel - And Its Okay

Romans 8:6 - And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for [us] with groanings too deep for words. (NASB)

As I am nearing the end of my treatments (This coming Wednesday is my last one - yay!), I am so glad to see an end in sight! These past few treatments have been rough on me, both physically and emotionally. Physically - I have become so much weaker with fatigue and swelling all over my body, the palms of my hands are riddled with neuropathy, and my arm port is still uncomfortable. Emotionally - I have shed tears for unknown reasons. There are days when I am so overwhelmed with various thoughts, feelings and emotions that I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling to anyone, or to even know where to begin with a prayer.

A couple of weeks ago, the Lord knew I needed some encouragement, and that's when my dad e-mailed an old Dallas Holm song called, "Here We Are." Unknowingly to him at the time, the words spoke to me because, during those times when I don't have any words to say, I can at least sit quietly in the Lord's presence and KNOW He is there to help me through these difficult times. God understands my heart, and I know the Holy Spirit is present within to lovingly intercede for me when needed. I don't have to "worry" about finding the right words to say. Instead, I can just praise the Lord for all He has done for me, and for all He has brought me and my family through thus far.

Here is the Dallas Holm song. Click on the title to be taken to You Tube, or you can just read the words below...

HERE WE ARE

Sung by: Dallas Holm

Here we are in your presence

Lifting holy hands to You

Here we are praising Jesus

For the things He's brought us through.

I don't have the words to tell You how I feel,

I just don't know what I can say

I'm not worthy to speak Your Holy Name,

Yet You tell me You love me just the same.

Here we are in Your presence

Lifting holy hands to You

Here we are praising Jesus

For the things He's brought us through.

I never thought that it could be this way,

And I never thought I'd be the one,

But You found me dying in my sin.

And You looked at me with love that took me in.

Here we are in Your presence

Lifting holy hands to You

Here we are praising Jesus

For the things He's brought us through.

For the things He's brought us through.

  

Dad and Me
Cancer Survivors

I love you, Dad. 



CANCER JOURNEY #23: Many Blessings This Week

This week has had its challenges, but it has also had its share of many wonderful blessings...

 

First of all, at this week's chemo treatment, my arm port was still a bit swollen and sore. However, I had a good nurse who seemed more experienced with arm ports, and she was able to access the port! My husband and I were very pleased. The port worked well and there were no problems. So, it looks like I get to keep the port until treatments are finished which, if everything goes as planned, will be in two more weeks!!! I'm glad this new port was not inserted for no reason. Thanks for the prayers!

 

The day after treatments are my best and most energetic days. I'm not sure why, but that's how it has worked out so far, and I am so glad for at least one really good day per week. It was especially helpful this week because, on Wednesday night, we had to prepare our daughter for a sleep-deprived EEG on Thursday morning. We believe she has had at least two seizures in the past few months, so her Pediatrician referred us to a Neurologist in St. Louis.

 

We  went through this same sort of thing with her about 5 years ago, and she did not fall asleep during the EEG testing, so we were pretty sure it would not happen this time either. However, as she relaxed and listened to the soft music with the lights down low, she did end up dozing off. We are thankful for that, and hope the testing revealed what the doctors need to know. (The results will not be back until early next week; but, if the EEG is clean, then we will only need to do a wait and see approach).  

 

By Thursday afternoon and evening, my energy level began dropping again. Today, I had trouble getting out of bed and have spent most of the day on the couch. I am stiff, swollen, and weak; and the chemo-induced neuropathy has continued to increase in my hands, feet, and now my face. I am drinking a lot of fluids today (a hard thing for me to do) to try and flush the toxic chemicals from my system quicker. In the meantime, my kitty is laying next to me on the couch, keeping me company. What a blessing and comfort she has been.

 

I am continually grateful for the love of family and friends who are helping our family through this. I have such a hard time asking for help, but many have provided snacks, meals, prayers, childcare, written encouragement, and meaningful gifts. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart! You have blessed my life, and I pray the Lord will bless you greatly in return.  

 

1Th 5:11 So then, go on comforting and building up one another, as you have been doing. (BBE)

 

Say Hi to Aggie...

 

 



CANCER JOURNEY #22: Three More chemo Treatments to Go

I wish my blog posts could be more creative lately, or at least more encouraging to those reading it; but, I guess I'm in a place where my creative juices are kind of on hold. I don't know what else to do other than just give an update to those who are interested in reading about this cancer journey I am on. It's a journey I didn't ask for, but one I am trying to get through to the best of my ability (with the help of God and my family, of course, because I certainly don't know WHAT I would do without them!) So, for those of you who are following me, here's an update on this past week...

Last Friday (the 24th) was my birthday. The morning started out rough, as I was feeling rather weak from chemo the previous Tuesday, and was also experiencing discomfort in my arm port. The swelling and hardening around the port had become worse (or at least not much better), so I made an appointment to see my surgeon later that afternoon. My husband and I were concerned about a blood clot forming. Thankfully, after viewing good blood flow on a Doppler, the surgeon said there was no clot. (Big sigh of relief!) He said it's normal swelling due to the trauma of surgery, and that there was some scar tissue growing around the port. He was confident the port could be accessed at my next treatment. He did, however, put me on an antibiotic as a precaution to ward off any infection.

Friday evening, I was feeling better and my family and I went to Cracker Barrel for my birthday dinner, and then to the park. It was a nice way to end the day. (I had a picture I was going to insert here but there seems to be a glitch somewhere that is not allowing me to do that. Sorry...)

Tuesday was my next chemo day. Once again, the port was not accessible due to swelling (sigh). The Oncologist informed us that we may end up not being able to use it at all. If its not any better this coming Tuesday, then we'll just have to get it removed. Thankfully, I do have at least one good vein in my left wrist that the nurses have been able to use.

My blood work showed an increase in White Blood Cells, but my Hemoglobin is still in the anemic range, thus causing me to be weak and easily fatigued. I can still function, for the most part, but can only do little bits at a time before I need to sit down again.

The Neuropathy in my fingers has gotten worse and moved down into my entire hand, as well as on the tips of my toes. The doc asked if I wanted to take a week off from chemo. I said no - let's just get 'em done. As long as I'm not dropping things or having trouble walking, I want to keep pressing on. The doc was okay with that decision.

So, now I'm down to just 3 more chemo treatments. I can see the finish line, and I really want to sprint quickly to the end (or maybe just fly there with much less effort); but, as the saying goes, "Slow and steady wins the race." So, I guess I'll have to remain patient and be like that little turtle in the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. Slowly and steadily I'll make it to the finish line.

Happy Memorial Day

 

Memorial Day Graphics at WishAFriend.com

 

CANCER JOURNEY #21: Lasix, Lymphedema & Low Blood Cells

Here are some updates:

(1)  The Oncologist put me on a low dose of Lasix to help release some excess fluids I've been hanging onto. It has been working well.

(2)  On Monday, I saw a Physical Therapist that specializes in Lymphedema. She said, we caught it early, so the only treatment I need at this time is to wear a compression arm-sleeve on my right arm. With consistent use, the Lymphedema could reverse itself over time.

(3)  Tuesday was chemo day. My husband was out of town at a conference. I missed having him along, but my friend DANEILLE agreed to go with me to treatment. It was good to have her along.

(4)  My new port in my left arm is still too swollen and sore to access. So, the nurses used a vein in my wrist again. This makes the third week in a row for vein use, and the 2nd week in a row that the new port could not be used. I'm beginning to wonder if it was worth it to even have a new port installed.

(5)  My Hemoglobin levels are beginning to go back up, but the White Blood Cells are going down again. This week, they are at 2.6 (3.9 and higher is the norm). But, the doctor said, out of the various WBC's, the ones that help keep infection/illness away are still within normal range. They are currently in the 1600's, and it doesn't become super dangerous until they get to 1000 or less. But, I still need to be careful.

(6) I only have 4 more treatments to go. I think I am finally beginning to see that finish line, and I am soooo ready to be done!

Thankyou for all the thoughts and prayers coming my way!

CANCER JOURNEY #20: My 2nd Port Surgery and Other Issues

A lot has happened since I last posted. To quickly review, in CANCER JOURNEY #18, I explained how I needed to take 3 Neupogen shots to help increase my White Blood Cells. The normal range for WBC's is 3.9 and higher. Mine was down to 2.5. I was scheduled for port surgery on Tuesday, and needed my WBC's to be increased in order to reduce the risk of infection. But, in CANCER JOURNEY #19, I mentioned how the first shot caused a big hike in my heart rate, and the doctor said not to have any more. We were praying that one shot would be enough to increase my WBC's to a safe level.

On Monday morning, I went back to the cancer clinic to have my blood levels drawn. It turns out the WBC's increased from 2.5 to 3.0 - still a bit lower than normal, but safe enough for surgery. Getting the old port removed was more important, since there was a risk of the catheter breaking off inside the vein. It was already cracked and leaking, and it wouldn't take much for it to completely break off and cause more serious complications. So, on Tuesday morning, we went in for surgery. They put me completely asleep for the procedure, so I wouldn't be moving around. From what I was told, I have tiny veins which called for intricate work.

The old port removal went quickly. He was in and out in under 10 minutes with that one. But, placement of the new port took a bit longer - more like an hour. Instead of putting a new port in the same place, the surgeon felt it was a better/safer idea to place a mini port in my left arm. It is positioned above the crease of my elbow.

NOTE:  If anyone has trouble with nausea after surgery, due to the anesthetic, I highly recommend you ask for a SCOPOLAMINE PATCH. Out of 4 surgeries since last November, this was my first nausea-free surgery. The patch is wonderful. It is normally used for motion sickness, but works well for after surgery as well.

On Wednesday morning, I went to the cancer clinic for my next chemo treatment. The WBC's have increased even more and are now up to 3.5. That is great! However, my HEMOGLOBIN is still declining and causing anemia. The biggest side effect of the anemia is weakness in my arms and legs, but I have been able to function otherwise.

The clinic nurse tried to access my new port for my chemo treatement, but it was still very swollen and sore. It was hard for her to feel where the port is located without pushing really hard and causing me a great deal of pain. So, I ended up getting an IV in my wrist again for the treatment. I am praying the pain/swelling will be decreased enough by next Tuesday so the port can be accessed.

Three more new things that have recently come about:

(1)  The chemo treatments have caused me to have some mild NEUROPATHY in my thumbs and first two fingers on each hand. This means there is some mild numbness and tingling going on, due to my nerves being effected. The doctor is not too concerned about it at this time, but we will be keeping an eye on it.

(2)  I am holding water, due to the chemo and have gained 3 lbs. in the last week. If things don't improve, I will need to start taking a diuretic.

(3) My right arm (the side where I had the mastectomy and lymph nodes removed) has had some mild swelling, most likely due to LYMPHEDEMA. It is mild at this point, but can get much worse if not treated. So, I will begin seeing a Physical Therapist that specializes in Lymphedema. My first appointment is on Monday.

Through it all, I have had peaceful days, as well as some discouraging days. The days that don't go as well for me are days when I take my focus off of my Creator and the fact that HE is in control of my life and the plans He has for me. My good days are days when I am staying connected to the Lord and accepting his gift of peace - a gift that has been made available to us all if we only choose to accept it. May the peace of the Lord be with YOU today...

John 14:27  - "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

Cancer Journey #19: No More Neupogen Shots

Just a quick update...

Yesterday, I had a NEUPOGEN shot given to me to help increase my White Blood Cells. It was given at 1:00 in the afternoon, and I didn't have any major allergic reactions. However, when I went to bed last night, I could not fall asleep, due to a pounding heart rate of 120 beats per minute keeping me awake. It lasted most of the night, and I think I got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep at best. By morning, the heart rate was down to 100 bpm. I called my doctor's office to ask about it, and they said I should not get any more of the shots.

The concern now is whether or not one shot was enough to increase my WBC's in order to safely have my port surgery on Tuesday. My doctor wants me to have the old port removed as soon as possible, but I don't want to have surgery if my WBC's are too low, as that will increase the risks of infection. So, I will go to the clinic on Monday to have it rechecked, and we will go from there.

Cancer Journey Part 18: Update on My Port

In CANCER JOURNEY PART 17, I mentioned a problem with my port and the need for it to be removed. I was given the choice of having it replaced, or just going without one for the remainder of my treatments. At the time, I decided I wanted to have the port removed and just go without one.

At yesterday's appointment (Tuesday, May 7th) I changed my mind and have decided to get a new port installed when they take the old one out. What was the reason for this?  (1) The doctor said my veins in my arm are tiny and it would be less dangerous to use a port. (2)  I ended up getting stuck twice in the arm yesterday (the first one blew a vein and caused bruising) and I don't really want to have to go through that 6 more times. (3) I will still be needing routine bloodwork after treatments are finished. So, having a port my be helpful during that time.

So, the date for surgery has been scheduled for next Tuesday (May 14th). And, my usual Tuesday chemo appointment was changed to Wednesday.

Another area of concern is that my blood tests revealed a consistent drop in White Blood Cells. The numbers are in the area where my doctor is rather uncomfortable. He did go ahead and allow me to have my chemo treatment, but said I would need to take 3 doses of NEUPOGEN, beginning on Thursday. It is an injection that will help increase my WBC count, and make things safer for me to have chemo treatments, and to have my surgery next week.

I know there are many of you who will continue to keep me in your prayers. God bless you!

The following came from one of the cards that was sent to me awhile ago (Thanks, Carie!):

What do we do when we face challenges that make us wonder what's ahead? The answers are not always easy, and the direction is not always clear. In these circumstances, our hope is in God alone. Our lives and our times are in His hands, and He assures us that He is the rock we can stand upon through the storm.  ~ Roy Lessin

 

What I Remember About Grandma

Three weeks ago today, my 93-year-old grandmother was getting ready for church and fell. She broke her hip and ended up in the hospital awaiting surgery. One week later, she passed away. The Memorial Service was held last weekend and many family and friends gathered to remember this special lady.


Let me tell you a little bit about what I remember about her, and what made her so special to ME...

I REMEMBER her working as a Surgical Technician at the hospital for 20 years. She was trained on the job and worked the early shift.

I REMEMBER after she retired from the hospital, she couldn’t sit still and do nothing, so she worked as a Nanny for several years, worked as a hostess at McDonald’s, and worked at a steakhouse called Maverick’s. Every place she worked she was well-loved and appreciated.

I REMEMBER going bowling with her at different times when I came to visit. She was on a league for many years and enjoyed it very much.

I REMEMBER her love of feeding ducks at the pond.

I REMEMBER how she loved going to garage sales to find a bargain. She found and collected many different stuffed animals, ducks of any kind, salt & pepper shakers, oil lamps, and other little knick knacks.

I REMEMBER her hospitality, how she welcomed anyone into her home, and how she always had cans of soda pop in the pantry for guests that would show up.

I REMEMBER her sweet tooth, and how she always had M&M’s or other chocolate candies lying around and ready to share. She also liked Jelly Beans.

I REMEMBER her generosity - always willing to give to anyone, always wanting to pay for gas money or for lunch.

I REMEMBER how much she loved fried chicken (especially the wings), and also fresh garden tomatoes.

I REMEMBER sharing a bedroom with her when we came to visit, and how her snoring was about as loud as the trains behind her house.

I REMEMBER her alarm clock blaring at 4:00 a.m. with the music from WFMB - she was a Country girl at heart.

I REMEMBER how she always got up early on Sunday mornings to go make coffee at church.

I REMEMBER her animals. At different times, she had a couple different dogs, several cats, and a couple of parakeets. They kept her company and she loved them.

I REMEMBER her adventurous spirit, always willing to try something new, including jumping on a trampoline at the age of 73.

I REMEMBER her playfulness and how she was not afraid to fight for her spoon in a card game we played called "Spoons." 

I REMEMBER her sense of humor, her smile, and her laugh. She loved life, despite the hardships she endured.

I REMEMBER going for walks around her neighborhood, and walks to the local Dairy Queen. It was always okay to go get an ice cream cone since we were "walking it off" on the way home.


I REMEMBER wanting to be like her when I grew up. In some ways, I know I am like her. That makes me happy, because she was an inspiration to me in so many ways. I miss her, but I know I’ll see her again someday... and, when I do, instead of walking with her to DQ, I know we’ll be walking together on streets of gold.

My brother made this video in memory of Grandma. Her favorite song was "Because He Lives."

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My husband, David, officiated a funeral yesterday for a friend from church. For the graveside service, he wrote a poem that I think is a good prayer regarding the death of a loved one:

Father in Heaven,

You know our pain,

You know our sorrow,

And we place our hope

In You for tomorrow.

May You be our comfort,

Our guiding light,

As we lay our head down

Every night.

Go with us now,

As we leave this place,

Til in glory we behold

Your face.

- DJS