Sunday, March 17, 2013

Cancer Journey - Part 14: Halfway There

A couple of days ago, with my head buried in my hands and tears in my eyes, I muttered to my husband, "I don’t want to do this anymore." The side effects of chemo treatment #4 had set in and I was feeling very uncomfortable. I wanted it to be over, I wanted to be well, I wanted my life to get back to normal. My only consolation was that this 4th treatment was the last BIG chemo treatment for me. There are still 12 more sessions to go, but we’ve been told the rest of these treatments are supposed to be easier. The doc said the first 4 rounds are the hardest because of the combination of meds they give. That is why they were spaced two weeks apart. The next 12 rounds will be once per week, beginning on April 2nd, and they will be using a different med that is supposedly less traumatic to the body. That’s what I’m counting on because, if I knew I had to go through more of these harder ones, I think I would have given up right about now. This has been, by far, the hardest treatment; and I seriously dread going back in a couple of weeks.

My friend, Rachel, is a marathon runner. While her races are on foot, and mine are currently symbolic, I think her thoughts and mine coincide when it comes to running our various types of marathons. At the beginning of a run, Rachel says,
I'm nervous and just want to get it started. I know I've trained but am still anxious about how the day will really go and what obstacles might creep up; the weather, my stomach issues, blisters, other aches and pains. I also have that feeling of  "Seriously? How in the world did you get to this place and WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
That’s how I felt at the beginning of my chemo treatments. I wondered how I had gotten there and was nervous. I was concerned about how the treatments would affect me; but I just wanted to get going with it all and get them done.

I would say, right about now is sort of like the halfway point for me. I am glad the first half is done, and it feels good to have the harder stuff out of the way, but I’m also weary as I don’t see the finish line yet. I’m ready for it to be done NOW! But, if I want to "win the prize" I know I need to keep going. Then, one day soon, I will be seeing that finish line, and I’ll be sprinting my way to the end.

Rachel says, "Afterward I usually can't believe I just did it. I am usually super happy it's over." I assume that is how I will feel also. Then, I’ll look back at what has been accomplished, and I’ll be praising God for getting me and my family through it.

Whatever you are going through right now, I hope this encourages you to keep pressing on. Whether you are at the beginning of your journey, at the halfway point, or nearing the end, keep your eyes focused on the goal. With God's help, you will make it through this... and, I know I will too...



  1. Thank you for sharing your heart, Vicky. What an incredibly encouraging post. We are all on a marathon, different race sites, but still a marathon. Going to press forward toward the goal. Praying for your comfort this week, Vicky, and the hand of God's provision to be evident for you.

  2. Press the mark....frankly since we do not see a light at the end- we KNOW THE LIGHT is ever shining in our hearts. That is how we keep going w/our challenge.
    Lord bless you and thanks for sharing.

  3. I feel so bad for you. I can only pray. Wish I could do more. May God bless you and your family and give you all strength.


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