|A "Get Well Soon" plant from my parents. |
It was waiting for me when I arrived home after surgery.
It was December 11, 2012 - two years ago today. David and I woke up that chilly morning, left our children with my mom, and headed to the hospital where I had a life-altering surgery to remove my right breast. I honestly don't remember much of that day, and I wish I had written out my thoughts on it, but I guess I didn't feel the need to write about it at that time. Or, maybe I just didn't want to face it, the idea of losing a breast.
As I think back now, I do remember I had a mixture of feelings that are hard to put into words. For the most part, I was just thinking about what was best for my health. I wanted the cancer out, and losing a breast didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. But, I also remember being very concerned about what my husband would think. Of course, he told me he was only concerned about my health, but I still wondered how he would handle the loss. He, in turn, was wondering how I would handle the loss.
To be honest, there was an adjustment period, and I would be lying if I said it hasn't affected me. After all, the surgery has changed the appearance of my body, there's no doubt about that! And, yes, there were times when it made me feel like less of a woman, I will admit it. But, along with the adjustment process, I have also experienced some positive changes. Internal rather than external. Let me share with you what I've discovered since my surgery:
- It has caused me to try and eat healthier and to exercise. I'm still struggling with this, but I'm trying.
- It allowed me to feel the love of others which was poured out on me and my family during the recovery process.
- It has given me insight into the needs of those who are recovering from surgery or illness.
- It has caused me to sympathize more with others who have battled, or are currently battling cancer of any kind.
- It has helped give me more confidence in who I am as a person.
- It has made me realize there are more important things in life than the loss of a body part.
- It has helped me to feel closer to my husband, who has never said anything negative about the way I look. In fact, he still says I am beautiful.
- It has made me re-evaluate my life and focus on the the truly important things.
- It has made me stronger in my walk with the Lord.
So, it's all good! I honestly have no regrets. I know I do not have a perfect body. (That would be the case even without having a mastectomy!) But, I am comforted in knowing my God is continually working in me and, hopefully, through me, until that day when I will be made perfect in heaven.
Philippians 3:12-14 - Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.