My Cancer Journey - Part 7: The “What if...” Trail

For the next 5 days, we WAITED to hear the results of the Radiology tests. It all became so surreal to us – just so hard to believe all this was happening. On most days, I was at peace, knowing the Lord is in control of my life, and praying that HE be glorified through all of this. After all, this life is not really about ME, its about what I can and should be doing for HIM. I believed this journey could have been allowed so that I could help make a difference in someone else’s life, and I was often drawn to remember Ephesians 2:10, which says:

For we are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (NASB) 

But... I am human and do have my moments when my thought processes take a negative turn. I  have gone down the "What if…" trail and asked things like:

• What will it be like if I have to lose both of my breasts?
• What will happen if the cancer has spread to other organs?
• What will my husband and kids do if I don’t live through this?

In those moments, I was trying to process some difficult emotions, not wanting my family or myself  to go down this difficult road. This can't be the road you have chosen for us, Lord. But, as I searched my soul and prayed for peace, I realized those thoughts came from a lack of trust for our future. It all boiled down to the fact that I wanted to be the one in control of this situation. I wanted the choice for our future to be mine and not the Lord’s. Could I really trust God to be in control and to take care of me and my family - no matter what the outcome was to be? Quite honestly, I still struggle with that one. I often have to remind myself not to dwell on the negative thoughts that come alongside the "What if..." trail; but to, instead, think only on what is true and lovely, and pure.

Philippians 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

 

On my "good" days of conquering these fears, there's no way I can take the credit. I believe, whole-heartedly, in the prayers of family and friends. I know I could not have made it through even this far without their love, prayers, encouragement, and support. If there is one thing I want to reinterate on this blog, it is to please remember to ENCOURAGE one another. We are all going through so much, and encouraging one another is VITAL to our survial in this darkening world...

 

1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

...But, to get back to the "Journey," the Oncologist finally called on Wednesday, December 5^th and said ALL of the Radiology tests came back GOOD. Praise the Lord the cancer had not spread to bones or other organs, AND I would only need to lose the right side! We still did not know whether or not the lymph nodes were affected, and would not know that until after the mastectomy; but the tests did not show them to be enlarged, so that was a good sign.

Things happened quickly from there, as we went to see the surgeon again that following Friday, and the surgery was scheduled for Tuesday, December 11^th.