Monday, January 23, 2012

Focusing on the Positive in Our Children

+This month marks 11 years since my daughter's diagnosis of autism. She is now 13. I love my daughter dearly and believe, on most days, I have come to terms with her diagnosis. I have accepted who she is and have accepted that life for her (and us) will never be the "ideal." But, I have to be honest with you... that doesn't mean there aren't still days when I wish things could have been different.

One thing I have come to realize, however, is that many other parents have similar feelings regarding their own “typical” children from time to time. As parents, we ALL have hopes and dreams for our children. And, when those dreams don't become a reality, it is sometimes hard to accept.

For me, it is extremely difficult when I see other girls my daughter’s age doing the things a typical 13 year old would do. I wish she could relate to other girls in a way that would bring her invitations to participate in their social gatherings. For other parents, they may wish their child could be great in sports, just like “dad” was; or, be an excellent student; or, be the social butterfly that mom is. Maybe some are frustrated that their child is involved with something that is not the "norm" for their family. Or, maybe they are dealing with a disability that limits their involvement in the things their family loves to do. There are many scenarios of how us parents wish our children could be different. And, there are many times we feel guilty for thinking this way.

One thing to remember, when those feelings of sadness or disappointment show up, is the importance of not dwelling on them. Dwelling on the negative only brings discontent and depression. What I have been trying to do is acknowledge my feelings are real and that I don't have to pretend they aren't there. Then, pray and express my feelings to God, because He is always there to listen. But, don't dwell on them. After acknowledging your feelings and expressing them to God, give them up and begin thinking about the positive things - the blessings God has given you. You may be surprised at how many things you can think of! Above all else, TRUST in the Lord, and KNOW that He will never leave you or forsake you. 

If it wasn’t for the Lord holding my hand through every step of every day, I would not be as confident as I am in knowing that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

In spite of any difficulties my husband and I face, I love my children dearly. They mean so much to me and are truly blessings from the Lord.

LOVE your children today, truly love them... for who they are, not for who you wish they could be. 


  1. A very good article, Vicky! Very encouraging! Praising God for your insight and the fact that you share your heart with us!

  2. I agree with Kelly; good word Vicky.Those who know your lovely daughter just love her so much. She is funny, silly and likes to laugh. I love to see her smile.
    You are such a fine mom too.
    Appreciate your godly example.

    1. Thanks, Daneille. Yes, she is silly at times and certainly has a sense of humor. Her laugh and her smile are true treasures.

  3. You are such an encouragement to me and your mother. You have a tender spirit and I love you for it.

    1. Love you, too, Dad! Thankyou for all your love and support over the years.


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