Today’s significant January event came from ten years ago. On January 11, 2001, David and I found out we were pregnant with our 2nd child. Our daughter was 2 ½ at the time, and we had been trying for another child for almost a year. It was something we should have been thrilled about, but we weren’t. The joy of it had been stolen away due to the recent diagnosis of our daughter’s autism. We were still trying to process the load from that and, even though I tried to be excited about another baby, the thought of another child possibly having some sort of disorder made us both nervous.
Three days later, on January 14th, I miscarried that baby. Talk about a huge array of emotions that took place... Part of me was sad for the loss, a bigger part was relieved, but the biggest part was feeling guilty over feeling relieved.
Guilt. We’ve all felt it about one thing or another. Sometimes the guilt we experience is to make us realize the error of our ways. But, sometimes, its simply from a lack of meeting our own expectations. In this case, I expected myself to be grieving for the loss of this child when, instead, I was relieved.
What I eventually came to realize was, I was not really relieved we had lost a baby. Instead, I was relieved that God had decided the timing wasn’t right for us to have another child. It all depends on the perspective. Are you focusing on yourself, or focusing on God’s overall plan for your life?
The idea I’m getting at is to consistently seek God’s direction and determine WHY you are feeling guilty; and, if you are feeling guilty today, there is only one way to overcome it - stay in tune to the Lord and follow His prompting to do what HE is telling you to do. In other words, if you’ve done something wrong, then you are being convicted with your guilt and you need to set things straight - make amends with the person(s) you have hurt, and/or change your behavior. But, if your guilt is from your own high expectations, then lower them to where you are no longer having nosebleeds. Guilt in this case doesn’t come because you’ve done something wrong - it comes because Satan is trying to discourage you and lead you down the path of depression. Don’t let him win. Deal with your guilt TODAY.
God's blessings to you all!