Focusing on the Positive in Our Children

+This month marks 11 years since my daughter's diagnosis of autism. She is now 13. I love my daughter dearly and believe, on most days, I have come to terms with her diagnosis. I have accepted who she is and have accepted that life for her (and us) will never be the "ideal." But, I have to be honest with you... that doesn't mean there aren't still days when I wish things could have been different.

One thing I have come to realize, however, is that many other parents have similar feelings regarding their own “typical” children from time to time. As parents, we ALL have hopes and dreams for our children. And, when those dreams don't become a reality, it is sometimes hard to accept.

For me, it is extremely difficult when I see other girls my daughter’s age doing the things a typical 13 year old would do. I wish she could relate to other girls in a way that would bring her invitations to participate in their social gatherings. For other parents, they may wish their child could be great in sports, just like “dad” was; or, be an excellent student; or, be the social butterfly that mom is. Maybe some are frustrated that their child is involved with something that is not the "norm" for their family. Or, maybe they are dealing with a disability that limits their involvement in the things their family loves to do. There are many scenarios of how us parents wish our children could be different. And, there are many times we feel guilty for thinking this way.

One thing to remember, when those feelings of sadness or disappointment show up, is the importance of not dwelling on them. Dwelling on the negative only brings discontent and depression. What I have been trying to do is acknowledge my feelings are real and that I don't have to pretend they aren't there. Then, pray and express my feelings to God, because He is always there to listen. But, don't dwell on them. After acknowledging your feelings and expressing them to God, give them up and begin thinking about the positive things - the blessings God has given you. You may be surprised at how many things you can think of! Above all else, TRUST in the Lord, and KNOW that He will never leave you or forsake you. 

If it wasn’t for the Lord holding my hand through every step of every day, I would not be as confident as I am in knowing that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

In spite of any difficulties my husband and I face, I love my children dearly. They mean so much to me and are truly blessings from the Lord.

LOVE your children today, truly love them... for who they are, not for who you wish they could be. 

Ways to Encourage #7: Send a “care package”

A "care package" is a box of various items that can be sent to just about anyone, and at any time. They are  meant to be sent specifically to show someone you are thinking of them, and that you care.

COLLEGE STUDENTS
When I was a college student, my mother would send a care package every so often. She would include things I could use, such as peanut butter, pens and pencils, toothpaste and stamps. She would also throw in some items just for fun, like candy or cookies. No matter what she chose to put in them, these packages were ALWAYS welcome to receive. It was so fun to receive something in the mail, and it means the world to know someone was thinking of me. 

MILITARY - ACTIVE DUTY
You can send a package on your own to someone you know who is serving our country, or you can give items to a local group who collects and sends packages to the soldiers on a regular basis. My brother is active duty in the Air Force, and I know he has always enjoyed receiving a package, especially while he was overseas in Qatar. One time, the church my husband pastored in Mendota, IL, lovingly helped me collect items to send to my brother. The package was full of cookies, candies, snacks, books, videos, and necessities.

MILITARY WIVES
Please don’t forget about the wives whose husbands are serving and are absent from them. They need some encouragement as well, and may even need more than just a care package! My friend, Donna, once expressed her feelings to me about how unsupported she felt when her military husband was deployed overseas. There are some wives who are blessed during that time because they have family nearby to help out with the kids and the yardwork, or they have a supportive unit on base or church family to rely on. But, for many like Donna, it is often assumed that someone is taking care of their needs, so no one bothers to get involved. During one round of deployment, Donna’s own Pastor never called her the entire 5 months her husband was gone. What a huge mistake this is!

EVERYONE ELSE 

No matter who you are or where you are, EVERYONE loves to receive a package. Christmas and birthdays are not unusual times to send a package. But, what about sending one “just because?” I already mentioned how my mom would send me a care package when I was in college, but her thoughtful care packages did not end there! Even as I moved out of the house, got married, and had children of my own, she has continually blessed me and my family (as well as my brother and sister and their families) with an unexpected surprise package filled with “just because” items. It is always a special treat that really helps to  brighten our day.
 
Bless someone today with a care package! It doesn't have to be large, as I know how expensive the postage is these days. Just package up some little things that won't cost too much to send, or work together with someone else to help share in the cost.
 

Have fun with encouragement!

Ways to Encourage #6 - Quality Time

One of the best ways to encourage family and friends is by spending quality time with them. Here are a few ideas to try out:

1.  Watch a good movie together, and discuss it at the end.

2.  Pray together.

3.  Turn off the TV and the computer and do one of the following:

• Sit around the table at dinner time and talk and laugh together. 
• Go out to eat, or just go out for dessert.
• Go shopping together and pay for something your friend or family member desires.
• Go to a coffee shop and have conversation over a cup of coffee, or tea, or hot chocolate. 
• Go bowling, play miniature golf, or watch a ballgame together.

4.  You can also go check out a previous post I made about: INEXPENSIVE WAYS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY

It is important to understand, what one person considers good quality time may differ from someone else. So, if you are wanting to encourage in this way, find out what others consider to be quality time. Bring up several ideas to the one(s) you are wanting to spend time with, and ASK THEM what they would like to do. Then, go do it!

Have fun with encouragement!

 

Ways to Encourage #5 - Ten Ideas for Social Networking



If you have a Facebook account, Twitter, or are part of any other kind of social networking site, post something positive and encouraging for others to read.

I have seen many different kinds of encouraging posts. Here are a few ideas you can try:

1.  Post something you are thankful for (And, you don't have to do this only during the days prior to the Thanksgiving holiday!)

2.  Post a Bible verse that spoke to you.

3.  Post a favorite quote that is encouraging. (My brother posts quite often about the sweet or funny things his 4-year-old son says.)

4.  Share a clean, funny joke.

5.  Post a favorite You Tube video - something funny or something inspirational.

6.  Share a link from some other site that directs others to an encouraging article.

7.  Wish your friends a happy birthday, anniversary, or any other special occasion. 

8. If someone posts that they are having a hard day (or they ask for prayer), post under their comment that you are thinking of them and/or praying for them. 

9.  Share an answer to prayer that you have had. 

10.  Every day, choose one of your "friends" to pray for, then send them a note telling them you did.

Ways to Encourage #4 - Invite Someone Over

Happy New Year, everyone! I'm sure many of you are in the process of making new plans and new goals for this new year, or at least reminiscing of what the past year has entailed for you. Well,  here's an idea to add to your goals... make it a point to be an encouragement to others. There are many ways this can be done (I've already mentioned three of them in previous posts). This fourth suggestion is to invite someone over to your home.

Now, before you get your head shaking from left to right as you emphatically say, "No, not to MY house!" listen to what I have to say...

1.  Get the idea out of your head right now that makes you think you can't have anyone over unless your house is in perfect shape. My goodness, what is more important? The way your house looks, or fellowship with friends? Most people don't really care if you have unfolded laundry on the couch, unmade beds, or dishes in the sink. They just want to be thought of, and inviting them into your home is one big way you can show them you are thinking of them and want to get to know them better.

2.  There are different things you can do with the people you invite over. Most people love to eat, so you can ask them to come to lunch after church (slow cookers are wonderful for this type of thing), invite them over for an evening meal (prepared yourself, or ordered) or have a cookout where each family brings their own meat and a side dish. Another idea is to invite them over only for dessert but, by all means, don't think that inviting someone over means you must feed them! Fellowship and/or a board game is perfectly fine. Asking a friend over to chat over a cup of coffee (or even just a glass of water) is a great thing to do, too! Just be clear with them as to what they are being invited over for, so they will know what to expect. If you do invite them over for some sort of food, be sure to ask about allergies first.

WHO TO INVITE OVER: 

• Good friends
• Family
• People from church
• Co-workers
• Neighbors
• Those who have recently moved to town
• Other acquaintances you would like to know more about

There are people all around us needing love and encouragement. Just ask the Lord to show you who to reach out to, then open your eyes and look around.

Have fun with encouragement!

Mary's Song

MARY’S SONG

By:  Victoria L. Stankus

~*~*~*~

Joseph and I had a long way to go.

We traveled both day and night.

But when we arrived in Bethlehem,

There were no empty rooms in sight.

I didn't complain, but trusted God

To find us a place to stay.

Soon, there was this stable

Filled with plenty of nice warm hay.

It is here where my song was born.

Jesus, God's son, I did bear.

The thought of this babe as a king

Is almost a bit of a scare.

But, as I look in His eyes,

I see beautiful sparkles of love.

I know He is not just my son,

But also the Father's above.

The birth of the king is shown by a star.

Some shepherds followed it and came.

When they arrived, they worshiped Him

And praised His holy name.

I’ve wrapped the babe in swaddling clothes

And laid Him in a manger.

There He will be plenty warm

And kept away from danger.

Now, as I watch Him sleeping,

There’s a song that fills my heart.

And, my baby boy is the melody

That made the music start.

My Experience With The Gabby Moms

At the end of 2010, my friend CARIE introduced me to TEACH Magazine, which is now called Eternal Encouragement. The publisher, Lorrie Flem, was beginning a new program called The Gabby Moms, where specific mom bloggers would read and review one of Lorrie’s products each month. I was thrilled to have been accepted into the program, and my first review for them was posted in January 2011. If you’ve been following my blog at all this past year, you’ve most likely read one of my reviews of her products, and have seen how much they have been an encouragement to me.

I am very glad I joined the Gabby Moms. Being involved in the beginning phases of a new program definitely has its pros and cons; but, overall, it has been a very rewarding experience for me to be a part of it. However, after much prayer and thought, I decided not re-join The Gabby Moms program for 2012 - mostly because of time constraints. I have been very busy this past year with various activities and commitments and, quoting my Dad, “I want to be exhausted for the Lord, but I don’t want to be burned out.” While it is important for us to remain faithful in service for the Lord, it is also important to remember our PRIORITIES. Here is what Lorrie Flem has taught me about priorities:

As wives and mothers, the list of our responsibilities is long and it can be difficult to sort them all out. But the truth is they are clearly laid out for us in God’s Word and are not decisions that we have to make. It is all spelled out for us in Scripture. Look in Titus 2, Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 11, and 1 Timothy 5 to see just what our priorities are to be. Our priorities are to be:

• My LORD
• My husband
• My children
• My home
• My parents, in-laws, extended family, church, friends, and neighbors
• My outside ministries

This past year, with all of the craziness in doing for the Lord and doing for others, I think my outside ministries became a higher priority for me than anything else, and I intend to remedy that. So, I have begun to condense my commitments into only a few. That way, I can concentrate more specifically on the commitments I have, without getting stressed out; and I also want to be sure I don’t neglect those first five priorities!

If you are considering being a Gabby Mom in the future, or you are new to the program for 2012, I think you will find it to be a truly rewarding experience. Lorrie’s materials are very thought-provoking, and I have definitely learned a lot from her this past year. Just remember to keep your priorities straight as you serve the Lord in this way, or in any other capacity.

NOTE: In 2012, I will still be involved with Eternal Encouragement Magazine, but in a different way. I have been asked to be one of the columnists for the new online version of Eternal Encouragement. I'm very excited about this opportunity, and feel honored to have been asked.

God Gave Us You - Book Review

I’ve always enjoyed the cute little “polar bear” books written by Lisa Tawn Bergren. This book, “God Gave Us You,” is no exception. This chubby little board book is great for young children to handle while looking at the pictures, either before or after Mommy or Daddy read the words to them. It's a great book to snuggle up on the couch and read to your little ones, telling them how their entrance into the world was a gift from God.

Just to note, the beginning of this book has a page where some of the wording may need to be adjusted in order to fit each child. The book seems to be geared towards a firstborn child, as Mama Bear says, “Your papa and I were alone, and we wanted a baby.” But, if needed, the “alone” part can be left out, easily changing the wording to, “Your papa and I wanted a baby.”

Overall, the pictures in this book are adorable, and it is a very sweet book to share with the little ones in your life. Even my 8-year-old son enjoyed the book.

I received this book free of charge from WaterBrook Multnomah

Publishing Group in exchange for my honest review.

You can find out more about this book at the

Waterbrook Multnomah website.



Ways to Encourage #3 - Share Your Goodies

Today, I want to mention a third way we can be an encouragement to others. With the Christmas Season under way, this is a good one to be used especially during this time. However it does NOT (and should not) be reserved only for this time of year...

 It it always a very special treat for me and my family when someone unexpectedly knocks on our door to bring something homemade to share with us. It has happened to us during the Christmas season, and it has happened to us during a time when we needed some special encouragement. 

Several years ago, during a particularly hard January, one lady we knew from the church baked us a loaf of homemade bread and brought it to us, along with a hug. It was nothing fancy; just a simple (but I must say, YUMMY) loaf of homemade white bread. It was the thought that really counted. When someone takes the time to bring something to you in this way, it means they are thinking of you, and that they care. It is a special form of encouragement that should never go out of style.

As you (and maybe your children along with you) are making "goodies" to eat throughout the year, be sure to make some extra and share them with friends and neighbors. At Christmastime, you can include a Christmas card or a friendly greeting; but, it is also nice to mix things up a bit and share some goodies during  different holidays in the year. Maybe make some cookies or candies for Valentine's Day and share them with others. Or, you could pass out Easter bread or some other homemade treat to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior in the Spring. You could also dye something green and pass it out on St. Patrick's Day. What about something with red, white and blue for Independence Day? Or a loaf of pumpkin bread, or pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving? The possibilities are endless! But, the best one of all (because it is least expected) is when you give to others for no special reason. At these times, you can attach a note that simply says, “Just because we care."

Have FUN with Encouragement!

  

Ways to Encourage #2 - Personalize Your Greeting Cards

Yesterday, our family received our first Christmas card for this season! It was fun to get our first card, and it was nice to know some friends of ours were thinking of us. Not only that, but these friends made the card personal by adding a few photos of their family, and also writing a simple note at the bottom of the card. The note said, “This year has been richer because of your friendship.” It was just one, short sentence, but it meant a lot to me to know we have made a difference is these people’s lives. It was a simple act of encouragement to us on their part.

Of course, you don't have to send Christmas cards to let someone know you are thinking of them. You can do this with Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Birthdays, Anniversaries, or Just Because. But, sending cards (of ANY kind) really does help to bring a smile to someone's face.  

When you DO send out cards, it will mean so much more to the receiver when you write a little note of encouragement in it as well. Make your cards personal by telling your friends and family how much they mean to you.

If your funds are limited, you can make your own cards. There are many different software programs you can use to help you with this, or just simply fold a piece of paper in half two times and use pen or marker to decorate it and add your sentiments. If you have children, you can get them involved by having them decorate the cards with sequins and glitter, or simply draw a picture. 

Another way to save on cash is to hand deliver your cards, if your friends are local (and you can add a hug into the mix as well). If they are not local, feel free to send cards and letters through e-mail also. E-mail may not be quite the same as a physical card, but it is still something to let others know you are thinking of them.

Here are a few different places online where you can send a FREE “electronic” greeting card to your friends and family, and can add a personal note to most of them at the end...

HALLMARK

DAYSPRING

INSPIRATIONAL FLASH MOVIES

RIVERSONGS

Have fun with encouragement!